Bone-Deep Tired
How Burnout Creeps In
A few years ago, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, announced her resignation.
In her speech, she utters the words that so many women feel deeply: “…I no longer have enough in the tank.”
She admitted, “I am human”. And you know what? She is. We all are.
She goes on to explain she has given all that she can. For as long as she can. And she now has nothing left to give.
“And now it’s time,” she says, to spend time with her family once again...
“Arguably, they are the ones who have sacrificed out of all of us.”
Aren’t they always?
It’s the same story. For women all around the world.
So, this post isn’t about politics. This is about burnout.
It’s More Than Just Tiredness
The concept of burnout actually dates back to the 1970s.
It was coined to describe the “physical and emotional exhaustion that workers may experience on the job, especially those who provide some type of service to others.”
Burnout was originally characterised by three symptoms:
Emotional exhaustion—a constant, progressive drain of energy
Depersonalisation—showing up as negative attitudes towards clients, patients, colleagues, and work
A low sense of personal accomplishment—where confidence dips, and a feeling of defeat creeps in
Among these, emotional exhaustion is the major player.
Research consistently shows it’s this first symptom that creates the ripple effect. Impacting our health. Our relationships. And ultimately, our work.
And as with so much in life, women get hit the hardest.
You Don’t Have to be a “Big Deal” to Burn Out
Here’s the thing: burnout isn’t reserved for the rich or the famous. And it’s not reserved for the so-called “successful” either.
I’ve worked with so many women dragging themselves through burnout. Most without even realising it. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe we’re not “special” enough to burn out.
Shauna Niequist put it best:
Part of the crazy of it is that we don’t allow people to fall apart unless they’re massively successful.
You can’t be just a normal lady with a normal job and burn yourself out—that’s only for bigshot people.
And so the normal, exhausted, soul-starved people keep going because we’re not special enough to burn out.
What a load of bullshit.
Burnout doesn’t care. About your job title. Your follower count. Or your income.
It’s happening to women across every kind of life, work, and circumstance.
Burnout Is Not Reserved for Paid Work
Here’s something else: when we talk about work, we only seem to discuss what’s paid. But what about the rest of it? What about all those unpaid hours? The ones we sink into running our homes? Supporting our families Showing up in ways that don’t come with a pay cheque?
What about the woman who cares for her sick mother? The woman who homeschools her child? The woman juggling 3 kids in 3 different schools?
What about the meals cooked, the bedsheets changed, the clothes ironed, the dishes washed, the doctor’s appointments, the dentist visits, the parent’s evenings, the general never-ending mental to-do list?
We don’t get paid for that. But it still counts.
The stats say it all. Women spend on average 3–6 hours per day on unpaid work, while men contribute 0.5–2 hours.
But I’m not pointing the finger. This isn’t about blame. This is about acknowledgement.
We need to appreciate just how much we do. How much work (paid or not) we carry every single day.
Honestly, I have never met a woman who felt like she does enough.
Burnout Is Personal
Some studies have tried to measure how much work (paid or unpaid) leads to burnout.
But the truth is, burnout is deeply, deeply personal.
There’s no universal tipping point. No single amount of hours or tasks that breaks us all the same. What overwhelms one person might be fine for someone else. So comparing ourselves to others— especially those carrying more—is a losing game.
We start to feel shame.
“She’s doing it all. Why the fuck can’t I?”
But Niequist, once again says it way better than I could,
If you’re tired, you’re tired, no matter what.
If the life you’ve crafted for yourself is too heavy, it’s too heavy — no matter if the people on either side of you are carrying more or less.
Why We Need to Quit the Superwoman Bullshit
When we’ve got nothing left in the tank, it’s time to rest.
We’ve got to remind ourselves that it’s okay to pause, to say no, to ask for help, to change direction, to quit the whole damn thing if we need to.
There’s no shame in it.
We don’t need to hit Prime Minister-level responsibility to admit we’re human.
How I Knew It Was Burnout
Someone recently asked me how I knew I was burned out. I’d love to say it was the recurring illnesses (tonsillitis was my main sign). But honestly? It was the resentment that finally gave it away.
I started resenting everything. Everyone. I just wanted to be left the fuck alone.
At first, it was more about overwhelm. Too many expectations. From others. And from myself. But eventually—it turned into bitterness.
I didn’t want to do any of it anymore.
When a client messaged to book in, I’d get angry. Because I felt I had to say yes. So I did. And resentment simmered.
I couldn’t understand the feelings. They felt foreign. But I kept going anyway. Saying yes. Pushing through. Pretending I was fine when I was anything but.
I always talked about living our truth. But I knew I wasn’t living mine.
[Apparently, anything throat-related can represent not speaking our truth. My version? Tonsillitis and quinsy—two hospital visits included.]
It wasn’t until COVID lockdown forced me to stop—when no one needed anything from me—that I realised just how fucking exhausted I really was.
Not just tired. But a bone-deep “I’m done” kind of tired.
Learning What Enough Feels Like
This was the hardest part. Learning what enough actually feels like. I’d never felt it before. No matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough. If I hit a milestone, I’d just raise the bar. More goals. More effort. More pressure.
And here’s the truth I hated admitting—I can’t do it all.
So I had to choose. I have to choose. Constantly. I need to know when enough is enough.
And honestly, it’s a lot less than my brain allows me to believe.
Signs of Burnout to Watch Out For
If you’re wondering if burnout is creeping up on you, here are some red flags:
Constant exhaustion (sleep never fixes it)
Irritability (snapping over small stuff)
Loss of motivation (everything feels like a chore)
Detachment (you’re emotionally checked out)
Feelings of inadequacy (nothing you do feels good enough)
If several of these sound familiar—it’s time to pause. To say no. To rest. To be.
Let’s Be Brutally Honest About Burnout
Burnout is complicated. Personal. And it doesn’t give a shit who you are or what you do.
But the more we talk about it—the more honest we are—the better chance we have to catch it. In ourselves. And each other.
So here’s my challenge to you: If you’re running on empty—admit it. If you’re exhausted—stop.
Rest isn’t a reward. It’s a fucking necessity.
And whether you’re a Prime Minister or a “normal lady with a normal job”—you have every right to take up space, feel what you feel and stop the constant ‘doing’ and achieving.
Because the truth is—your to-do list can wait. But your health? That can’t.
Sources
Bayes, A., Tavella, G. and Parker, G. (2021) The biology of burnout: Causes and consequences
Ervin, J. et al. (2022) Gender differences in the association between unpaid labour and mental health in employed adults
Membrive-Jiménez, M.J. et al. (2020) Burnout in Nursing Managers: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Related Factors, Levels and Prevalence
Nagoski, E. and Nagoski, A. (2020). Burnout : the secret to unlocking the stress cycle
Sky News. (2023). In an emotional statement, Jacinda Ardern has announced she’s resigning as New Zealand’s prime minister.
Great post really good timing x